The feeling that while it's a very long way from good, one can't say it is on the horribad levels that others have experienced before

Dear person I know and have a meaningful relationship with, I address you. No. Not you, it can't BE you. But you, you, you and yes, you too. I would like to punch you in the face. Honestly. It may take me 30 seconds, it may take me 30 years, but I am pretty sure at some point in the future, I will feel like it. Very likely in the past as well. I apologize and make a disclaimer: I do not love you.

Let me get this straight: 'i' cannot love. It's been tried before and mostly what happens is that 'i' find out you are nothing like me/God at all and then 'i' want to punch you in the face. Even right now. Yes. Right this very moment, YOU could be the one 'i' would dearly like to serve what is known as a "knuckle sandwich" in the hopes that my cry of "why can't you be more like me/God" and "what is WRONG with you" be heard in no uncertain terms. Also in a non-hypocritical way. Since, you know, the "me/God" does not equate equality but a substitution, for whenever occasions call for it.

'i' cannot love. Oh no. Not at all. But I believe God for His purposes would like to love you through this 'i'. That, I think, is what accounts for those moments of blinding purity that 'i' have no business claiming credit for. See, 'i' can only choose. And a lot of times, 'i' choose wrong. While 'i' want you to choose right ALL THE TIME, it's not possible and very selfish on my part.

So 'i' resort to poor expressions of passive aggression online (a first for me) which will leave you wary of the next time I come within an arm's reach of you which may or may not be accompanied by a scowl.

'i' almost hope God just lets me do this one day. I kid. Almost.

Regards.

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What are You even saying. 'i' don't want to learn. I only want to punch lower lifeforms in the face. I want an all-out fight that at the end everyone no longer has any energy to hate or argue. Is that a lot to ask?

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Call me a pansy. Call me ignorant. Call me prideful. It will be true. And just as long as you see that it is true for yourself as well, like I do, 'i' may hug you instead. God help us all.